There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
