Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
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