there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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