Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Randomize
