so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
