She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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