After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
