Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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