So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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