In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
