I didn't shave. On purpose
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
