This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
