I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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