I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
i just google imaged poop.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
