I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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