I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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