I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
my being single is dangerous.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
