dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
