Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
