I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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