She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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