True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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