I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
