does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
