when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
