R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
it's great music for shaving your balls
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
