you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
