I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
