I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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