i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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