so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
We don't watch enough power rangers
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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