Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
