I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Randomize
