Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
