like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
