i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
