when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
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