i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
