we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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