would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
