This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
