I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
