My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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