Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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