Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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