Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
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I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
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He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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