then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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