no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
