community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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