Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
