all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
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