I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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