nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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