Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
