end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Randomize
