i would punch a child for taco bell
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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