I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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