She said her name was "party"
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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