My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
