I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
third nipple confirmed
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
