It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
