i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
