I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
