Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
