New invention idea: vibrating tampons
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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