walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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