when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
