Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
