My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize