i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
So here I am, sexting at work.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
