oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
