The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
