I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
The air was thick with penises
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
