We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
The air was thick with penises
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
not ubering you a puppy
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
