I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
