yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I understand Curling. That high.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
