he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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