So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
