Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
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